Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
