"it" just moved
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
