So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We got so high we made milksteak
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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