it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
