Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You took a bar mat shot.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
