I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
