i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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