Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
