Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
