need another drink. this is the easiest way
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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