That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He felt like a one man threesome
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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