My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
