@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
