I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
