Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
