just tell him i said nine months
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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