but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
