we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
