i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
