you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
