he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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