Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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