it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
