dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
