I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
