I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
