The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
