It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
