I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
