The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
