Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
