So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
