Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
