put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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