Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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