i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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