so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
