He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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