Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
