Kareoke will never be a sober sport
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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