I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
