Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
