Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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