watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
