god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
