i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
