my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i wish my penis had a tongue
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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