if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
