I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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