DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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